


Not All Wars Are Fought On The Battlefield

by DobbyRocksSocks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers are a family dammit, Bruce is pissed, Cap is here for it too, He really does not approve of the antivaxxers, Hulk is not here for antivaxxers either, Set in a hazy timeline where everyone is happy and nothing hurts, Team working together, Tony has ideas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 04:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DobbyRocksSocks/pseuds/DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: For Lo. Bruce is offended by the 'antivaxxers' idiocy, and turns a bit green. Tony decides to help. What could possibly go wrong?





	Not All Wars Are Fought On The Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Someone_aka_Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Someone_aka_Me/gifts).



> Written for Lo. I love you :D

 

“ _ Idiots _ ,” Bruce muttered angrily, glaring at the tablet in his hand. 

Tony glanced up from his own tablet. “Hmm?” 

“Antivaxxers,” Bruce snarled. “Ridiculous, idiotic morons, the lot of them. Listen to this!  _ ‘Vaccines can and do cause brain encephalopathy, autoimmunity and destroy normal immune function for a large minority. _ ’ What the hell is a large minority?” 

“Looking a little green around the gills there, Brucie. Maybe it’s time to put the tablet down and go roll a spliff or play the bongos or something, huh?” 

Bruce shook his head. “Someone has to educate these imbeciles!” 

Tony sighed. “Yeah, this isn’t gonna go well.” 

…

Steve frowned as he entered the living room, raising his eyebrow when he saw Tony sitting in the middle of the room with a snoozing Bruce with his head in Tony’s lap. 

“Do I want to know what happened?”

Tony shrugged. “Antivaxxers owe me a new couch,” he said, nodding his head to the scraps of wood and material that used to be the couch. 

“Sadly, I actually understood that reference,” Steve replied, shaking his head. “He really shouldn’t read those forums.” 

“When you’re right, you’re right,” Tony agreed. “How’d you know about antivaxxers?”

“Interview,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “Asked me my thoughts on vaccines causing cancer to the young people of America, and if I was going to make a stand against them.”

Tony snorted. “What did you say?”

“I grew up watching people get polio. Of course I think vaccinating kids is a good thing. Don’t think the interviewer was very pleased but really, they should do their homework before asking such ridiculous questions.”

Tony sighed. “They’re not vaccinating their kids, Steve. You really expect these people to be smart, well adjusted members of society?”

…

“I  _ am  _ sorry, Tony,” Bruce said for the third time as they stood side by side, watching the clean up crew get rid of the destroyed furniture. More would be brought in to replace it within a few hours. 

Tony waved him off. “I understand the rage, Brucie. Just… maybe stay away from the forums. People are going to be stupid, regardless of the subject. There’s no need to pollute your glorious mind with idiocy.”

“It’s such a hot topic at the moment, can’t really avoid it,” Bruce replied. “Yes, they’re idiots, but they’re also idiots that have  _ voices.  _ Loud ones.”

Tony took a sip of his coffee. “Huh. What if our voices were  _ louder?” _

Bruce frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“Well. You’re against antivaxxers. I’m against stupidity. Cap is against antivaxxers. Robocop watched Cap grow up in a time that would have killed for vaccinations when he was all tiny and ragey and sickly. Barton’s got kids, and has them vaccinated because he’s got a brain. Small one, but it’s there. And let’s be honest, Nat just likes scaring people.” 

“Right,” Bruce said slowly, still frowning. 

“So what if we did a vaccination campaign. Vaccinate your kids and get… I don’t know. Photo op? Free plushie of your favourite Avenger? The options are endless, and you know people will listen to us; we’re the goddamn Avengers.”

“I don’t know, Tony. What happens when the protests start?”

Tony snorted. “If it’s anything like what happened to my living room, they’ll only protest once.” 

“That’s why it’s not a good idea.”

Tony shrugged. “You could… not be there? You could be in the background, or like… do advertisements where you don’t actually have to interact with the idiots?”

A small smile began emerging on Bruce’s face. “We can at least bring the idea up with the team over dinner?”

Tony grinned. “That’s the spirit!”

… 

“I’m in,” Bucky said with a shrug. “You’re right. I had to grow up watching him nearly die every winter. People that can help their children and don’t are ridiculous.”

Steve nodded. “I’m in too. People should be properly educated. I’ve seen some of those boards and the ideology is seriously problematic.”

“Did you see the one where the woman said vaccinations  _ raise the risk of homosexuality _ ?” Clint asked, rolling his eyes. “Because being gay is obviously a disease. Fucking idiot.” 

Tony shook his head. “I’m really glad I didn’t see that. I would have Hulk smashed without the gamma radiation.” 

Bruce snorted. “I don’t think I’m an actual verb, Tony.”

“Of course you are. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Nat rolled her eyes, but then nodded. “I’m in. Do you have any ideas for it yet?” 

“Bruce doesn’t want to be at any photo ops or public things because of protesters,” Tony said. “Which, in fairness, could probably be a fiasco. But he could be the better version of Bill Nye for our adverts? And I thought we could do vaccination events. Like a blood drive but… pumping stuff into people instead of pulling it out.”

“Photo ops?” 

Tony nodded. “Yup. And plushies and… Hell, we could even do shirts or something.”

“You don’t actually have to do this,” Bruce said, folding his hands together on the table. “I feel strongly about it, obviously, but none of you have to… well, do any of this.”

Steve shook his head. “It’s not, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, but it’s not about you, Bruce. It’s about a bigger issue, and it’s something we  _ should  _ be passionate about. Not every war is fought on a battlefield.”

Bruce looked at him for a long moment before he nodded. “Okay.” 

Tony clapped his hands together. “Well then. Avengers vs Antivaxxers. Let’s do this.”

…

“You still with us, Frosty?” Tony asked, standing beside Bucky. 

“Uh huh.”

“Maybe dial the murder stare back a few notches. If people actually start dropping dead from the heat in your eyes, we’re going to have a problem.” 

“I just got asked if I’m here because I’m still  _ brainwashed, _ ” Bucky growled. 

Tony blinked. He barely managed to stop himself from facepalming. Instead he just shook his head and turned away. “Carry on then.”

He walked over to where Steve and Nat were taking pictures with the kids and grinned at Steve before he gestured him over. 

“What’s up?” 

“Keep an eye on Robocop, would ya?” 

Steve frowned. “Did something happen?” 

“The narrow minded idiots with the placards are asking stupid questions, and I’m slightly concerned he’s actually going to develop murder lasers with the strength of his glare.” 

Steve snorted and shook his head. “I’ll keep an eye on him. Are we doing the right thing, here, Tony?” 

“Of course we are. We haven’t actually said a word  _ against  _ the people who choose to exhibit their right to be dumbasses, we’re just raising awareness  _ for  _ vaccinations. That’s the important fact, or so the PR people drummed into me at ass o’clock this morning.” 

Steve laughed. “Alright, well. I think I heard quite a lot of murmurs in the crowd about wanting pictures with Iron Man, so get your suit on and let’s get some more done.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.” 

… 

“How did filming go?” Tony asked, flopping down on the new sofa beside Bruce. 

Bruce smiled. “Three adverts for vaccinations done and one promoting the SI Vaccinations initiative with Pepper to be done tomorrow.” 

“Good stuff. I’m glad we can help the people that want to protect their kids but can’t afford it,” Tony said with a soft smile, closing his eyes as he tipped his head back against the sofa. 

“You’re a good man, Tony Stark,” Bruce murmured. “Thank you. As much as I know Cap said this wasn’t for me, I know that it was, at least in part.” 

Tony opened his eyes as he turned his head. “Don’t spread that around, you’ll start rumours.”

“I think that ship has already sailed.” 

…

“There’s been much talk about the new Avengers sponsored adverts promoting vaccinations, and SI’s sponsored vaccine days for those that can’t afford to pay for them. What brought that about?” 

Tony glanced at Bruce and smirked. “Dr Banner feels very strongly about vaccinations, and with it being such a hot button topic at the moment, we thought the time was right to make our own stand about it.” 

The interviewer nodded, looking thoughtful. 

“There’s been talk of you using your positions as our defenders to push your views onto people, what do you say about that?” 

“We’re not trying to force anyone to vaccinate their children,” Steve said quietly. “We’re using our own histories, our own experiences, to say that this is what we believe in. As public figures, it’s our duty to stand up for what we believe in and help people wherever we can.” 

“Of course there’s a select pocket of people that don’t believe vaccines are the right thing to do. What do you say to them?” 

Tony shook his head. “We’re not here to talk to them. People are entitled to do whatever they want to do, we’re here to help the people that  _ do  _ want to keep their children safe from the multitude of diseases they can be protected from.” 

“And the protesters outside of Stark Tower?” 

“Will continue to be politely ignored,” Steve replied firmly. 

… 

“Sir, there’s a situation on the Avengers common floor.” 

Tony paused his work and strode across the lab immediately, stepping into the waiting elevator. 

“What’s going on, J?” 

“Ah, I believe someone let Dr Banner onto the forums, Sir. It did not go well.” 

“If I have to buy another new sofa, I’m going to be  _ pissed.”  _

Tony stepped out of the elevator and stopped. 

“Hey, green bean,” he greeted cautiously.  “What’s going on?” 

Hulk turned to huff at Tony, but didn’t move away from his position by the window. When he turned, Tony got a look at the large sign he was holding and had to quickly bite his cheek to stop himself from laughing. 

On the sign, in barely legible writing, were the words,  _ Puny Humans Need Vaccinating! _

“J, please tell me you have pictures of this,” he murmured, his smile widening when Jarvis confirmed that he did, in fact, have photo evidence. 

“Tony?” 

Tony turned to see Nat, Bucky and Steve stepping out of the elevator, all looking concerned and ready to fight if necessary. 

“Jarvis said there was a situation.”

Tony nodded at Hulk and quietly informed his teammates of what the sign said. 

“Someone let Bruce near the forums again, didn’t they?” Steve asked, rubbing his forehead. 

Tony nodded and then shrugged. “At least he didn’t hurt my sofa this time.” 


End file.
